The last couple of months have been rough. I've missed Graham a lot, and I've heard many people say if you grieve longer than a year, you're not doing things right. But that's a harsh statement, that for many may be easy to follow but others not so much. I've thought a lot about how you can miss someone so much, that you didn't have in your life for long. Someone who you didn't see day in and day out, but here's my conclusion. As a mother you love your baby from the day you find out they're coming. You love grows and grows, especially once you've got them in your arms. And I've taken lots for granted, especially when you always have healthy babies. But I remember holding Graham for the first time, so glad he was here and that we had some time with him. But I remember looking into his eyes and instantly knowing who he was. We connected again after having been separated by the veil. And I remember knowing how great his spirit was in this little body. He was much wiser than I was. He was special and he didn't need much time here. And although I miss holding him in my arms, and the future that he might have had on Earth, I miss his sweet spirit. I was given enough time to remember who he was and that we were a family unit in the Pre-mortal existance, and that we will be a family again in the Eternities.
In temporal terms, we've separated more with Graham over the last couple of months. We've cleaned out the room where his things were and got a nursery ready for this new little girl. And although I'm excited to have a new baby, it's hard letting go of our Graham life. It's silly things like the smell of him that lingered in that room that was hard for me to let go. The kids have missed him more lately and talk about him quite a bit. We drove past the funeral home the other day and Libby remembered exactly what we did there and she wanted to go back in "that place" so we could hold Graham. So we talked again about how Graham is in heaven and that his body is at the cemetery. I'm glad that Mitch and Libby did have some time to bond with Graham, and that their understanding of our Earthy mission is so clear.
As I've followed different blogs and different people that have lost babies over the last year, many of them have had new babies in their homes in the last couple of months. They are seeing some healing in their lives and I do look forward to that for our family. I found a little plaque I bought before Graham was born to keep with his pictures and things and the quote is so true.
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." -Winnie the Pooh
As our life continues on, I'll forever have the special place in my heart for Graham. And I'm glad that new opportunities come so that we can love more, and find some healing, and remember our purpose on Earth.
