Lagoon

We have the kids the choice of Disneyland or Lagoon for Harvest Vacation.  They chose Lagoon, I guess that's ok with me, cheaper and closer :)  We did decide to leave Claire home with Grandma JoAnn and it ended up being really nice.  We headed down and went to the zoo and then went and visited with Allison and Adam.  On Saturday we went to Lagoon and Michael came with us and we had a good time.

Claire's 1st Birthday

I can't believe how fast this last year has gone.  Our Claire Bear turned 1.  She is really getting fun and getting a personality for sure.  We didn't do anything too big for her birthday, I guess you can tell she's the 3rd child, just cake and ice cream.  She did love her presents though :)

First day of School

 The first day of school came, and I was pretty excited.  It's nice to have the kids home, but always nice to be back on a schedule.  Mitch started on a Monday, but Libby didn't start until Wednesday and that was a long 2 days for a girl that was so excited to start kindergarten.

 Claire and I get to spend the afternoons together which is nice to have a little bit of peace and quite, but sometimes I think Claire isn't sure what to do with herself when so doesn't have someone constantly entertaining her.

 Libby

Kindergarten

Mrs. Warren

Moreland Elementary

Mitch

4th Grade

Mrs. Johnson

Rockford Elementary

School Shopping and Lagoon

We have started another tradition by meeting my cousin Allison and her kids and school shopping.  This year we decided that we would bribe the kids to be good shopping and then we would take them to Lagoon.  It was a lot of fun, Al was a good camper being 8 months pregnant, I was feeling her pain the year before :)

Family Reunion

 Mike's family had a family reunion in Island Park this summer.  It was a lot of fun, there was a lot for the kids to do like, fishing, swimming, peddle boats, horseback riding.  Each family had their own cabin and each cabin had it's own hot tub, so that was a hit with the kids.  These were the only pictures I got from that weekend.

Libby and Kricket

Bear Lake

 Mitch had his last baseball tournament in Montpelier and so we camped out, watched baseball and got to go out to the lake for a bit.  Claire loved the water!

 Libby, Mitch and Chandler

 When we got home we were cleaning out the camper and Claire took a nose dive, so she looked like Rudolph for a week or so, poor baby :(

Libby's 1st year of T-Ball

Libby played T-ball this year for the first time.  I don't think it was as successful as we had hoped, but she made it.  She wasn't all that thrilled at the games, but it didn't help that they played double headers.  That's a long time for all of us to play and watch T-ball. 

I didn't get great pictures this year, but just imagine this.... Libby is a big girl for her age, for some reason she thought that T-ball should be a contact sport, so needless to say there was quite a bit of tackling and shoving to get the ball, it was quite interesting.  Hopefully we have better luck next year.

Baseball, baseball and more baseball

 Mitch played a lot of baseball this year.  He played his regular season on the Power Lube team and then he was lucky enough to make the All-Star team, the Blackfoot Dawgs.  It was so fun to watch baseball and especially watch Mitch improve, but man, it was a lot of baseball.  Libby and Claire were good sports as we watched baseball almost every weekend in the hot sun.

Lots of fun, we're looking forward to next season!

 

Pre-School Graduation

 Wow, long time, no blogging.  I'm trying to catch back up.  Libby graduated from her second year of preschool with Mrs. Hansen.  She has loved preschool, but is so ready to go to kindergarten.

 One happy camper :)

 Mrs. Mickelson (My preschool teacher), Mrs. Hansen, Libby

2 Years

It's hard to believe that it's been two years since we had our baby Graham here with us.  I think this year was different for me because our lives have changed so much in the last couple of years, but I still miss him as much today as I did right after he passed away.  I was swamped with work that day, so I didn't have a lot of time to think, but when I did wind down for the day the one thing I came back to was gratitude.  I'm so grateful for Graham, so grateful we have him for the short time we did.  I'm so grateful for the things that I learned because of him. For making me a better person.  And I will be forever grateful to know that we can be together again someday.

A Thousand Years

I've listened to this song a lot lately.  I know it's the song for Twilight, but it has a different meaning to me.  My heart's been pretty tender the last week or so, lots of little things that bring back lots of memories.  This song gives me hope, and makes me long for the sweet reunion we'll have with Graham someday.  I've loved him for a thousand years, I'll love him for a thousand more.

A Thousand Years
Christina Perri

Heart beats fast
Colors and Promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
what's standing in front of me
Every breath, Every hour has come to this

One step Closer


I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

All along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years,
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer

I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Toothless

A few weeks ago Libby told us she had a loose tooth.  I didn't believe her, she wasn't old enough, but sure enough it was starting to wiggle.  Well a few weeks pass and it's ready to come out, but the closer the tooth got to coming out the more nervous Libby got for it to fall out.  This tooth has literally been hanging by a thread for days now and she wouldn't let anyone touch it.  I finally told her today that I had to tie a piece of floss to it before she could watch cartoons.  It was a big ordeal to get that piece of floss on but we did and after "gently" tugging on her tooth it finally came out.  She's been so proud all day.  I honestly can't believe that she's old enough to lose a tooth.  So hopefully the tooth fairy makes it tonight.

6 Months

 Claire at 6 months

 17.5 pounds

No teeth

Loves her binkie

Scooting around, but not quite crawling

 The time is flying by.... I can't believe how big Claire is getting.  It's so much fun to see her learn and grow, but so sad that she's not my little baby anymore.  

Right now Claire loves her walker.  She gets up and goes and it's nice having lots of hardwood around for her to keep her entertained.  The other day Libby was running around and Claire was right behind her in her walker.... so cute.

 Claire is loving food.

  She loves sweet potatoes, pears and bananas.  She loving eating little puffs and yogurt bites, but really loves Ritz crackers

Claire is definitely a momma's girl and anyone can attest to that.  I've had to work a little outside of my office and she screamed all day for the babysitter.... not good.  She's stayed with her dad a couple of times and been better, but if Mom's around, that's who she wants. 

I'm so grateful everyday for this sweet baby girl in my life.  She's healed my heart in so many ways.  She's definitely a sweetie and I'm so glad to have her here.

The Time We Have Together

Lately time has been on my mind.  Mainly because it's flying by.  Anymore it seems like a month goes by so fast and I'm noticing because my kids are growing like weeds.  And Mitch and Libby remind me daily lately that they can't wait to grow up.  They can't wait for their childhood to be over so they can be "moms and dads" (in Libby's words)  I remind them that this is a great time.  No worries, just enjoy it.  And I'm trying to enjoy every last minute I can.  I feel like as a kid you want to grow up and now that I'm grown up I want to slow time way down.  I love my life right now.  I love my kids, don't want them to grow up into rotten teenagers :)  Just want them to stay young, to have no worries, to be able to keep them with me always....

I'm also glad that this time on Earth is just a short time in our Eternal lives.  As we celebrated Easter I'm continually grateful for my Savior and his sacrifice for us that we may live again.  I'm grateful for the knowledge that in time I can have all my kids with me always and enjoy them all together.  For now I'll keep savoring all the time I have here with these 3 kiddos.

Growing Pains

I'm trying to do better at keeping up with my blog.  I keep getting subtle reminders of how important it is for us to keep a personal history, and so I'm trying a little harder.  I've also had a few reminders lately of how quick time passes and how much we grow in that time.  I've looked at how much our lives have changed in the last two years and how much I've grown.  How many emotions have come and gone and lingered.  I wish I was more eloquent with my words, and there are so many blogging women that inspire me to try and be better at spitting out my thoughts.  I read this post from Natalie Norton and she explains things perfectly.  It's amazing to me how similar our feelings are in our journey of grieving the loss of our sons. I have to share:

My journey toward authenticity began the day my son died the day I died. (I can tell you from the bottom of my soul, they are one and the same.)
And there I was.
There I was. . .
(Deep exhale here.)
Nothing remained, aside from the physical form of the woman I had once been. Inside of that? Nothing was the same. When you come to THAT moment (that we all pray to God you never will) you have exactly two choices.
1.  You die.
2.  Or you don’t.
Physical death, yes, I suppose would be a third alternative (a thought that EVERY mother who’s walked where I’ve walked has entertained, even if only in an especially weak and fleeting moment), but I’m not speaking of physical death. I’m speaking of emotional death. Spiritual callus. The armor of the soul. Survival. Safety. The opportunity to disengage from the excruciating pain. The promise of relief from the acute, unrelenting torture. Option number 1, you die. See?
Option number 2, you don’t. BUT HOW DON’T YOU? HOW?! HOW?!!!! AND YES I’M SHOUTING NOW. I’M SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY BROKEN HEART. HOW DON’T YOU JUST CLIMB INTO THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS AND BURY YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND? (Yes, my cupboard under the stairs is at the beach. Apparently. And yes, I’m done yelling at you.)
How?
You submit.
And that’s how.
You submit.
You own your nothingness before God and yet your “everythingness” within him. For we are, each of us, nothing and everything all in the same harrowing yet joy-filled breath.
The moments after Gavin died horrified me. Horror. Times infinity. To the power of a million. For all the obvious reasons yes, but for one you rarely think about in specific. Eventually, friends, you have to walk away. You have to hand your dead child over to a stranger, and you have to walk away. I’ve never felt so small. I’ve never felt so afraid. I couldn’t do it. I moaned. I cried. I held him as tightly as I could. I probably screamed out loud, though I don’t remember for certain. If I didn’t, I should have. I’d certainly earned the right.
I’ve never been so acutely focused (before or since). I was completely keyed in to the moment I was in, the feelings I was experiencing, the fear that engulfed me. And amid all that terror, amid all that submission, amid all that awareness of my nothingness before God, I found something.
Myself.
No longer was I a woman who was born in 1981, had lived a while, and was having this experience in a hospital room in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit in 2010. I was Natalie.
I felt connected to myself in a whole new way. Connected to my divinity as a child of God, a literal spirit daughter of The Creator of Heaven and Earth and all things that in them are. I was Natalie, and Natalie, this me, SHE had the strength required to walk away. SHE had the faith required to move through this moment (and every one that would follow). SHE had the perspective I lacked. SHE had the courage I desired. SHE knew God in a way that I had never dreamed possible.
I held her hand, I kissed his face, and I walked away.
Over time, I’ve come to know her better. Learning she existed was half the battle, now getting to know her learning to become her will win me the war.
Authenticity. It’s a practice, not an art. A journey, not a destination.
But it’s worth the work. It’s worth the commitment.
And it’s definitely worth the jump.


And the thing is, I am SO BLESSED.  I look back on our journey with Graham and we were blessed in so many ways.  During the horror of having to let go of your son and part with him for a while I will be forever grateful for my friend Genny.  Never did I have to worry about handing Graham over to a stranger.  He was in good hands, and he was in good hands once he made it to the funeral home until we could be with him again.  I feel my growing pains everyday.  I did get to know myself a whole lot better in the last couple of years.  I've learned what I can do when I'm faced with a challenge.  I've learned that the only thing that gets me through it is to submit to my Heavenly Father and move forward in faith.  There is still not a day that I don't think of Graham and miss his little face.  I look at many of the kids around and see that they are turning into little kids, and not babies anymore.  It's good to have some time to heal the pain.  Good to see how much you can grow and improve and just how much God blesses our lives

Our 5 Year Old Diva

 Libby has been waiting to be 5 for months, and the day finally arrived.  She came straight up from bed and dug right into her presents. She was thrilled

 I think Mitch may have like the castle more than Libby

 Libby was spoiled rotten with all her gifts.  She wanted this Repunzel wig so bad and Maria and Doug surprised her with it.  She was so proud!

Blowing out her Princess cakes.  I can't believe how fast Libby is growing up.  She's 5 going on 15.  She's full of energy and spice and is definitely a girly girl.  Sometimes I wonder what I'm going to do with her.  She's so into princesses and dancing and singing, and can't wait to go to kindergarten.  She's got a love/hate relationship right now with Claire and Mitch.  She's strong willed and tests our patience often, but we love her so much and life wouldn't be the same without her!

Claire--4 Months

Claire at 4 Months
15 lbs 4.5 oz
25 1/2 in

My Mantra Lately

Claire has been such a good baby so far. She's pretty laid back and is happy most of the time, although she is super stingy with her smiles. She definitely is a Mama's girl and is "adored" by Mitch and Libby all day long. She's starting to teethe some, so is getting pretty grumpy, but we still LOVE her so much!