Better Things Ahead

Lately I've had another wave of overwhelming sadness hit. I know the wound is still fresh, but it seemed like I was feeling so much better only to be stopped again in my tracks by these feelings of longing and aching and inadequacy. The tender memories flooding my brain constantly. And then I'm reminded again by a loving Heavenly Father of our earthly plan. Reminded that he knows the beginning from the end and that each of these experiences are part of the plan, and for our good, no matter how much they hurt. And I'm reminded that people and their testimonies can bring us closer to God, and today this is was Angie Smith did for me. Read here. She talks about Lot's wife and how God commanded them to leave Sodom and Gomorrah and not look back, only move forward to things that I would think would be so much better than those evil cities. But she looks back, and who knows what she is looking back at, but she looks back and falls behind and God turns her into a pillar of salt. I've had a quote running through my mind for the past few weeks and Angie's post reminded me of it again.

There are better things ahead than any we leave behind. -CS Lewis

And I keep telling myself that there are better things ahead. Focus on the future. Learn from the past, but it is so hard not to look back and wonder what if. What if Graham were here? What could I have done different. But the feeling of confirmation always comes to me letting me know that God's will was done. That this part of his plan was completed, although I still don't fully understand. But there are better things in the future. More life to live here on earth, and eternity to be with our sweet baby once again. So we move forward and try not to look back too much, and hope Heavenly Father doesn't turn me into a pillar of salt :)