The Little Reminders

These last few days I've been feeling pretty good, with the exception of Sunday because Sundays are always super hard. I've been trying to take some big leaps of faith and try and stay more positive and happy with some major coaxing from Mike. And for the most part, it's worked and I've been happier and able to focus more on the future and not on the past. Today I took Libby to our library's story time. Today was their Halloween party and so everyone dresses up and goes around to a few of the high school classrooms to "trick or treat" It was pretty crazy, with lots of little kids and moms running around. I was glad to be there with Libby because she has so much fun, but I kept hearing "Graham, come back here Graham." As my heart about pounded out of my chest I thought to myself that this kid's name wasn't Graham, it was Grant or something else. But then over and over and over I heard the name Graham. So I look around to see who it was and it was a little boy, probably around 1 and his mom was chasing him all over. Every time she said his name I just felt like I was getting stabbed or kicked or punched. I kept telling myself that it was so STUPID to feel this way because there are going to be plenty of "Grahams" in the world and I'm going to hear his name all the time. But really I don't hear that name much and so when I do, it's a painful little reminder. Really a stupid little reminder that makes me fall back into my not so happy little world. And for some reason, the little reminders hurt the most.