Christmas Snapshots

Mitch got a new bed for Christmas. He was so excited because Libby has had a bigger bed and that was just not fair. He also told me first thing when we got up that Santa must be dangerous because he gave him a pocket knife.

My mom remodeled my old dollhouse and we gave it to Libby this year. She was thrilled and has had so much fun with the new furniture that Santa brought to put in it. I can remember how excited I was when I got this dollhouse and it's fun to watch Libby's excitement. I told Mike not to be surprised if he finds me downstairs playing Barbies with Libby sometime :)

The BEST present of the year.
What more can I say, Claire is our best Christmas present! She is the best little baby and we just can't get enough of her.

The Christmas CHAOS came and went and boy, were we tired by the end of the day. Mitch even asked at about 8:15 if we would put him to bed.

Christmas with the Lindsay's

Christmas came and went today in a hurry. The kids woke in anticipation to see if they made the nice list (they got a video from Santa earlier in the week telling them they were on the naughty list, so they were extra concerned that Santa might not make it) We opened gifts, went to church, and spent the day with family. It's always nice to have a day to reflect on the birth of our Savior and how his life effects our lives. As I reflected on the many blessings I have and enjoyed time with my family, I couldn't help but reflect on the past. I remember 2 years ago at Christmas time, I was struggling, really trying to better understand the Atonement and how it saves us and brings us to eternal life if we follow God's commandments. I was at a point where I needed to better understand so that I could get through my trial with Graham. I remember studying and studying and having such a deep love and appreciation for my Savior and his sacrifices for me. And today my love grows deeper for my Savior, Jesus Christ. Because of him I can have my little family forever. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss Graham, but I think that because the holidays are based so much on family, I miss him so much more. I can't wait for that day when we can all be together as a family. Our Christmas this year was a success and I'm hoping I can keep this attitude of gratitude throughout the coming year.

9

Mitch turned 9 this year, which is hard to believe! The years have flown by, and we've loved watching Mitch learn and grow. Mike and I decided that the next 9 years need to slow down, since he'll be 18 and ready to leave us.
Mitch REALLY wanted to have a birthday party this year, so we invited some friends over. Late we'd find out the the state football championships were that night, so the crazy parents that we are decided to take 5 boys to the football game.
CRAZY!!!!!!
But they all had so much fun, and they all survived, even better!

The Nerf Gun war was on for a while, I don't think I've ever seen so many nerf bullets in my life!

2 Months!

Claire at 2 months

12 lbs 8 oz

23 1/4 in.

Super smiley, and rolley polley.

Claire's Blessing

Flag Football

This year was Mitch's first year of flag football. He loved it! Especially since it was the first year of organized football. He learned a lot and had lots of fun.
Mitch played quarterback and he did pretty good. It was fun to watch the boys and get a good chuckle every week watching them.
The lack of pictures was due to procrastination and then having a new baby :)

I have to admit the last few weeks I've been feeling sorry for myself. It must be human nature to always ask "what if" and "why me" and I think that as I've LOVED every minute with Claire, I can't help but wonder "what if Graham were here" or "would he be the same" I know in my heart that these aren't valid questions, because if he were here, he wouldn't have had the same experiences as my other kids. His life would be hard, it would be painful. But always as soon as I start feeling really bad, I'm always reminded of Heavenly Father's plan for us. He didn't take Graham to punish me. And He didn't take Graham away forever. He took Graham because He needed him in Heaven. Graham's Earthy life was short, but complete. And even though I feel a hole in my heart, I know that Mike and I will have the opportunity to raise him. To know what it's like to watch him grow. We will see him again, and our family will be whole again.

Tonight I was going through a few books and grieving resources I had for another mom that just recently lost her baby. My friend asked me to look for some things and I knew that I had read lots of good information, and I was surprised at first that I couldn't remember where I had read this or that. It felt good that I didn't just feel complete despair. But as I went through a lot of the material, my heart was heavy again. It brought me back to last year, when I was in the same shoes as this mother. Grasping for anything I could find to help understand why this was happening to me. This mother isn't of the same faith as me, but what I want her to know is that God is good. His plan may be confusing to us, but as I move on in life, I see a little clearer all the time. God is just, and what may be taken from us in this life we will reap in the next.

My brother posted this quote a few weeks ago and it's stuck with me ever since. I'm greatful for the joy and the pain and the persepective that comes with both

"By the time you experience great joy and great sorrow, you will have great perspective."

--Author unknown

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween from our BYU Cougars!

New Pictures

Mommy Blogs

It was two years ago that I started reading lots of mommy blogs. As I look back, I honestly can say I found them for a reason. I never searched any blog out in particular or necessarily knew what I was looking for. But I came across many blogs, usually blog hopping to one and the blog hopping again and finding another. These mommy blogs were the reason I started my blog. They were my lifeline in a way at the time. These mom's had been through what I was going through. I could relate to them in a way that I couldn't relate to anyone around me. I could read some of their deepest emotions, and feel comfort because I was feeling the EXACT same way. It was comforting to know that what I was feeling was part of the grieving process, that I wasn't going crazy. Although the details of our stories were different, the end was the same, we had empty arms and broken hearts. Our worlds had literally been shattered and we tried our hardest to put them back together. I've met many mommy bloggers over the last two years, and felt this friendship with so many of them even though we've never met in person. I've been a vigilent reader of their ups and downs, and they've read mine and left many kind messages of care and concern. As my life has changed, and my world has been rebuilt and healing has come, I still love to read these blogs. I read so many of the same things that I've gone through. The comfort of having another baby, and yet the bittersweet pain that still hurts you everyday. I read some blogs of mothers that are just starting the grieving process, and my heart breaks for them, knowing exactly what they are feeling, and only wanting to comfort them in some way. You see how far you've come, how much you've grown, and your compassion and empathy is neverending for those moms in the same situations. I'm so grateful for these mommy blogs, for sharing their experiences to help me through mine, and hopefully my blog will help those that read in some way. Heaven knows, this blog has been a lifesaver, and much cheaper than therapy!

1 Month

One Month today, where did the time go.
You're growing fast,
almost 9 pounds.
You love to grunt, and hate the swing.
You're very happy while you're in someone's arms,
I think I'm going to have to find me a baby sling!

Counting Our Blessings

I'm surprised at how hard things have been since Claire was born. She has brought a lot of healing, but also a lot of repressed feelings from having Graham. I expected the delivery and hospital stay would be hard for me, but it wasn't. It's been the last few weeks sitting at home enjoying Claire. It's hard to not ask "why" or "what if he were here" and imagine how life would be. Some days it's still hard to see Heavenly Father's Plan and completely understand it. It's hard to see some of Claire's features that remind me of Graham and not be sad. Over the last couple of months I've been reminded frequently of Graham and the lives that he touched. Reminded of his sweet spirit and his mission here on Earth. It was short, but powerful. And I was reminded last night that I was chosen to help him complete his Earthly mission, that I needed to give him his body. Today was our first Sunday back at church, and I was glad to be back. I'm constantly reminded of all my blessings. That even losing Graham, we have had bountiful blessings, Claire being our newest.

Napping Buddies

2 Week Check Up

She's growing!  Here's Claire's two week stats

7 lbs 4 oz.

20 inches

Juice Jugs

When I came home from the hospital I was nursing Claire and Libby was wondering what was going on.  She asked me what I was doing and I told her I was feeding the baby.

"Mom, she eats from your boobs, that's disgusting!"

Later that day I was nursing again and Libby was studying the situation again.

"Mom, you got juice or milk in those things????"

I assured her it was special milk just for babies.  She is quite the character and that was one moment we don't want to forget.

Claire

Claire

September 14, 2011

6 lbs. 3 oz.

19 1/2 inches

She's here, and a little early.  Claire decided to come quickly.  I woke up on Wednesday morning about 3 am with contractions.  Got some housework done and left for the hospital about 7 am.  We checked in at the hospital and 7:35 am and Claire was born at 8:29 am.  It was a whirlwind birth, but a good one and we're glad she's here.

Libby and Claire

Proud Big brother Mitch

1 week old

It's been a bittersweet week.  Mostly sweet, but I find myself missing Graham, and the time we didn't get to have with him.  I've sat all week and held Claire.  I can't quite bear to put her down right now.  She is so sweet and she's helping to heal our empty arms and broken hearts.

Libby's First Day of Preschool

May We Never Forget

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua7SdA07Vfc&feature=player_embedded

I found this video this morning. It's a great reminder as to why we have trials on Earth.

http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/more-than-conquerors-through-him-that-loved-us?lang=eng&format=general-conference&view=sessions&media=video

I found this scripture on Pinterest this week and it fits perfectly with this video

What if your blessings come in raindrops? What if your healing comines through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near? What if trials in this life are your mercies in disguise? --1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

36 Weeks!

This may be my one and only maternity picture of this pregnancy. I'm just not really into the maternity pics this time around. I took this for my friend Brittany who's due about the smae time. 36 weeks!
Here's Michael at 36 weeks, I don't look too bad next to him!
Lucky for him this picture isn't on Facebook!