The Lindsay Chronicles

"Come what may and love it." -Joseph B. Worthlin

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I have to admit the last few weeks I've been feeling sorry for myself. It must be human nature to always ask "what if" and "why me" and I think that as I've LOVED every minute with Claire, I can't help but wonder "what if Graham were here" or "would he be the same" I know in my heart that these aren't valid questions, because if he were here, he wouldn't have had the same experiences as my other kids. His life would be hard, it would be painful. But always as soon as I start feeling really bad, I'm always reminded of Heavenly Father's plan for us. He didn't take Graham to punish me. And He didn't take Graham away forever. He took Graham because He needed him in Heaven. Graham's Earthy life was short, but complete. And even though I feel a hole in my heart, I know that Mike and I will have the opportunity to raise him. To know what it's like to watch him grow. We will see him again, and our family will be whole again.

Tonight I was going through a few books and grieving resources I had for another mom that just recently lost her baby. My friend asked me to look for some things and I knew that I had read lots of good information, and I was surprised at first that I couldn't remember where I had read this or that. It felt good that I didn't just feel complete despair. But as I went through a lot of the material, my heart was heavy again. It brought me back to last year, when I was in the same shoes as this mother. Grasping for anything I could find to help understand why this was happening to me. This mother isn't of the same faith as me, but what I want her to know is that God is good. His plan may be confusing to us, but as I move on in life, I see a little clearer all the time. God is just, and what may be taken from us in this life we will reap in the next.

My brother posted this quote a few weeks ago and it's stuck with me ever since. I'm greatful for the joy and the pain and the persepective that comes with both



"By the time you experience great joy and great sorrow, you will have great perspective."

--Author unknown

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