The Miracle Behind This Blog

So I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to start a blog, now for most people it's pretty simple to start and to begin journaling daily events or milestones in their families lives, and that part so far has been easy. It was easy for me to post about Mitch and Libby and our Christmas because they are so familiar and concrete and tangible and so that's where I began. For the past couple of days I've really wanted to write this post, but didn't know where to start or how to explain or how to get my thoughts into writing, and I still have no idea. I'm sitting here with my heart pounding and feeling anxious and my head spinning. I never thought this would be so hard, but yet so healing at the same time, so on to the REAL reason I wanted to start this blog. Last summer I really started wanting to have another baby. I knew that this was normal, but now looking back that longing was so strong and I was feeling that our family was definitely incomplete and I believe that we were supposed to have this baby. We had always thought we would want 3 kids and so at the sime time this was the natural path and our monster Libby was getting a little older and we just decided it was the perfect time. My friend Diana was planning the same thing so it felt like this was all working out perfect! So the summer passed and fall rolled around and we knew we were expecting, except I had this feeling that something wasn't quite right. I kept telling myself that I was just worrying and that everything was fine (Heavenly Father was preparing me). I went to my first OB appointment at 9 weeks and everything went as normal. I had an ultrasound and the US tech made sure there wasn't twins and we felt like everything was great. I went into the Dr. Office to wait for him and was reassuring myself everything was fine. As the Dr. came in he said congratulations but that there was something wrong with the baby, my intuition was right, and that's when the tears came. The doctor said he thought the baby had an encephalacil or basicially an hernia on its head. He set up an appointment with the perinatologist and they confirmed this condition. About half of the baby's brain is outside of the skull and the prognosis is likely death.
As we've gone through the last couple of months we've had lots of emotions. There are definitely the ups and the downs and the question of is this really happening??? But as I've faced this trial in life I've grown closer to my Heavenly Father and I am grateful for that. Gratitude overflows my heart.

I am grateful for this miracle baby boy and his choice spirit.

I am grateful I have been chosen to be his mother.

I'm grateful for Mike and his testimony, he is the rock for our family (And the rational thinker when I get a little crazy!).

I'm grateful for my two children living, and for their spirits and their ability to keep me going. I'm grateful for loving family and friends who support us during our darkest moments.

And I'm especially grateful for my loving brother, Jesus Christ, who suffered for us that we might return to our heavenly home. What a miracle he is for all of us.

So some might call me crazy for looking at our baby boy and his condition as a miracle, but it is. It's not the miracle that most have in mind, but he is touching many lives as he comes to earth to gain his body. He has taught me so much and will continue to teach me as we go along with life. Heavenly Father is most capable of miraculous healing, but he also sacrificed his son that we might live. So here our journey begins, full of smiles and tears, but mostly gratitude that we were given this opportunity to grow and to bring one more child to our family.

There are two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.

-Angie Smith

P.S. I'm hoping to to name him Collins Michael, but that needs to go up for a final vote in our house first, but that's my vote, hopefully I'll get my way.