Sunshine and Storms

I think spring has finally sprung and we're loving seeing some sunshine and spending some time outside. The kids have been busy riding their new bikes and jumping on the trampoline and swinging on the swingset, all the fun kid stuff. I must admit that I think I might have died if the sunshine would have showed up any later. But the ironic thing with the spring sunshine this year is that it's bringing some major storms into my life.

The last few weeks have been so calm, and peaceful, and maybe a bit depressing. I don't know if I was in shock or numb or exactly what I was suffering from, but whatever it was it was kinda nice. The thoughts of the baby are always on my mind, but during this time it just wasn't a big deal. I told Mike that it felt like this time was the calm before the storm. I knew as soon as spring rolled around and things started greening up and changing that it was time for our changes too. And nothing can green up without some nice rainstorms, so metaphorically that's where I'm at, in the storms.

We're down to counting weeks in the single digits, never thought that day would come. Physically and emotionally I'm getting tired. My body is telling me that it's getting close to the end, that it's time to have a baby, but I'm not ready. Not ready for this reality, not yet.

I'm not ready to see the outcome. My days have been a bit chaotic, and a little annoying. Sick kids, I'm sick, nosy people, missing important calls, dirty house, and the list goes on and on. And the thought that scares me the most now is that this is all going to be over in a few weeks. No matter the outcome, this time will pass. We will have a new aspect on life, our lives will be changed forever. So the storms rage on, but on the bright side I can go out and enjoy some fresh air in the warm weather with the kids, and life is so bittersweet.