Courage

The last couple of days, I've just gone back and read some old posts, read through some of my journal, and read some of my favorite scriptures. I'm feeling a lot less courageous than I was a year ago. I'm feeling a lot of fear in my life and I hate it. I'm saying so many little prayers everyday, begging Heavenly Father to let me keep my kids, here with me and safe. We've had a scary week, Mitch was bit by a dog in the face, which later got infected, and my 20 week appointment and ultrasound is right around the corner and so I'm really nervous. I've been trying to pinpoint my fears and why I can't really get control of them right now. My fears are different today. Last year we knew that we would lose a child, that was scary because we didn't know what it was like to lose a child, but we've experienced it and I know now what it's like and my new fear is losing another one. My biggest enemy right now is my anxiety, which triggers fear, and I've been amping myself up to hear bad news, to prepare myself for the worst again, and I hate the thought, every bit of it. So I'm praying for courage, especially over the next few months. Praying that I can get control of myself and quit being my worst enemy!